Living

So I'm a big advocate for doing. Enough with the talking about it and just get on with it. Simply, if you want something go after it, say what you mean, never hold back.....you only live once and all that jazz. Well, it's about that time I took my own advice. Why is it so hard for some of us to be so upfront in parts of our lives, but so shy and passive in others. Let me try to answer the voices in my head. Fear. Total and utter, breathtaking, heart pounding, gut wrenching fear.
I'm starting to shake as we speak.

I like to think I have control over my life. I'm blessed with the opportunity to actually do the things I want to when I want to. Now, don't get me wrong, I have yet to find that perfect job, possibly even my calling, I do not have millions in the bank nor am I anywhere near starting a family of my own. Yes, I do want these things. I am actively trying to land a job where at the time being I feel passionately about. That's another thing all together, passion. I do not need a lot of money, but I need that daily dose of feeling, living, being. There I go again, preaching, yet failing to take fear by the horns.

I have spoken to those few people in my life who I feel can assist in breaking down this wall. In the back of my mind I can't help but thinking they are members of the same group; preachers. There it is again, it's so easy to talk the talk.

A friend of mine was taken away from us way to soon a few months ago. Every morning when I rise I slip her name around my wrist to never forget just how fragile life can be. It is as if she is screaming at the top of her lungs....

"WHY WAIT!! LIVE TODAY!! NOW, NAT....NOW!!"

....before it's too late.

I watched a movie the other night that seemed to follow this theme song playing in my head. There are many things we can control in our lives. I like these things. But, there are also things that are just out of our reach. The feeling we get when we're caught by surprise, the time we have on this earth, the people who seem to have grabbed onto our hearts....In the back of my mind, well in the front now, I know it's just fear.

Fear is for the weak.

A dear friend of mine described me as a person who is "radiant and energetic as the sun, delicate and full of life as the earth and a dying breed". This person would not let fear control them. If only I could be this person.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

In Season

Isn't it strange how there are those who come in to and go out of our lives? It's almost as consistent as history repeating itself. Those I speak of may stay awhile blessing us each and everyday, or blow in from time to time, only exchanging random thoughts as often as there is a full moon, lingering in the back of our minds, never quite giving up. Then, comes along newbies. Those who cross our paths doing wonders for our dreams, desires and just plain mentality. I am not alone. Everyone has all these types of people in, and out of, our lives.

The problem is, we may be so focused on everything that is oh so wrong, that we don't take the time to realize how wonderful our lives are because of all these people. I am blessed with all kinds. Mentors, guardian angels, sisters, acquaintances, teachers, listeners and those who do wonders for my self-esteem. I may not know the reasons why these people are the way they are, but I will continue to ream the benefits of their presence. All of these relationships make me who I am today. Forever touched, even if from one simple gaze.

So what if I am not employed in the field I've spent countless hours immersing myself in. So what, if I ventured across the country for a little while to only return to where I departed. So what if my hair turns gray and my eyes crinkle around the edges. So what if when I look in the mirror I am bombarded with imperfections. So what if I am not sure where I will be tomorrow, unsure if the dreams I have spent my time on will come true. I know those people will come in my life, and go out, just in time to keep me afloat.

I will continue to learn, continue to grow, continue to dream. My in-box delivers a word-of-the-day each morning. Today it read, tenacious. The meaning, Natalie.