Fate

I've been told I have commitment issues. Shocking. I'm a runner. I run. This opinion however, lately may just be turning into a fact. Recently I have started to analyze, okay over-analyze, the choices I've made, and continue to make, when it comes to the opposite sex. Maybe it was the move BACK across the country. Maybe it's the date on my birth certificate. Maybe the sight of all my close friends in their white dresses, Facebook profile pictures no longer of them, but their babies, donning new bling on a certain special finger has finally hit me.....

Then again, maybe I'm just bored.

Either way, last night fate left a mark. First, I must divulge a little background. To know me is to know I heart New York City. I'm obsessed with NYC. I spent a few months in the city that never sleeps when I was 20. The best time of my life. Best, is far from the proper word to describe my brief stint. I am one to not regret. You live, you f@*k up, you learn. Sometimes history repeats itself. You move on. But, I'd be lying to say the thought

"I should've stayed in New York"

hasn't crossed my mind on more than one occasion. This voice in my head is dealing with a scratchy throat today. I don't even know his name. Our fates crossed, probably to stir up this previously muffled voice, but a loft in SoHo, a chocolate Lab, Christmas cards, photo albums, dinners, vacations....our life danced in mind. While I was in the city I lived at 302 92nd St. He lives at 307 92nd St. We talked about the streets we walked through. The restaurants we love. The bars we sat at. I couldn't help but think, if I would've stayed....

Would we have met? Where would we be know?

Now, I am a firm believer in the choices we make make us who we are today.

"Everything happens for a reason"

should be tattooed on my forehead. There are no such thing as coincidences. What we do with the feelings we get is up to us. Great. So after years of doing everything possible to be in control, I'm beginning to believe in fate. I just hope it's not too late.

FATE: the universal principle or ultimate agency by which the order of things is presumably prescribed; the decreed cause of events.

In Season

Isn't it strange how there are those who come in to and go out of our lives? It's almost as consistent as history repeating itself. Those I speak of may stay awhile blessing us each and everyday, or blow in from time to time, only exchanging random thoughts as often as there is a full moon, lingering in the back of our minds, never quite giving up. Then, comes along newbies. Those who cross our paths doing wonders for our dreams, desires and just plain mentality. I am not alone. Everyone has all these types of people in, and out of, our lives.

The problem is, we may be so focused on everything that is oh so wrong, that we don't take the time to realize how wonderful our lives are because of all these people. I am blessed with all kinds. Mentors, guardian angels, sisters, acquaintances, teachers, listeners and those who do wonders for my self-esteem. I may not know the reasons why these people are the way they are, but I will continue to ream the benefits of their presence. All of these relationships make me who I am today. Forever touched, even if from one simple gaze.

So what if I am not employed in the field I've spent countless hours immersing myself in. So what, if I ventured across the country for a little while to only return to where I departed. So what if my hair turns gray and my eyes crinkle around the edges. So what if when I look in the mirror I am bombarded with imperfections. So what if I am not sure where I will be tomorrow, unsure if the dreams I have spent my time on will come true. I know those people will come in my life, and go out, just in time to keep me afloat.

I will continue to learn, continue to grow, continue to dream. My in-box delivers a word-of-the-day each morning. Today it read, tenacious. The meaning, Natalie.